My Story About My Walk Down "Grief Valley

Tabatha University Grad Picture

 As promised I am back to relate my story: 

Where does one begin when telegraphing the emotional journey of the loss of someone you love dearly?


Tabatha was an Angel sent from God to bless our lives. She arrived August 28/1980 and was the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen. (Besides Taltiha of course) She was such a good baby with a sweet disposition. As Tabatha grew we discovered her vivid imagination and her creative mind.

I recall sitting on the steps listening to her play with her dolls one day. You would have thought there was a room full of people in her bedroom. Tabatha was the Teacher and she had all her dolls lined up in rows with paper and pencil in front of them. She taught her students and asked them questions to see if they were listening. Each doll had a different voice when they answered the questions. It was absolutely hilarious to listen to her in there playing by herself. Talitha was not a doll kind of girl. No she was outside climbing trees, putting worms in her pocket and chasing the other kids with snakes! Isn’t it amazing how God creates two children in the same family and they are totally opposite in their characters. The Bible does say we are fearfully and wonderfully made. I thank God for these two Angels He sent to bless our lives.

Tabatha was very creative and from a very young age she began to fashion items to decorate her room with. She was 6 years old when she designed herself a new doll. She used paper towels for the body, arms, legs and head. She formed the paper towels into the shapes of legs etc then stuffed them with toilet tissue. Tab used straight pins to hold the paper towels in their shapes. She then pinned the body and extremities together – no wonder I was getting low on my straight pins! Tab used felt to cut out eyes, nose, mouth and buttons for her doll. She used straight pins to hold these items in place. Yarn was used for her new friend’s hair and would you believe she used straight pins to hold the hair in place. Markers were used to draw the designs on the doll’s clothes. The doll was adorable even if it was a little prickly. I was amazed that a 6 year old could create a project like this all by herself. I’m happy to say the Faith is as creative as her Mommy.

Tabatha and Talitha were inseparable. They have been very close since they were little girls. Different as night and day but stuck together like glue. My girls – they were my world. I loved to watch them run and play. It was exciting to watch as these two little girls grew into amazing, brilliant and loving adults. I am so proud of them both.

So back to my story:

July 22/2009 Tabatha and Billy were celebrating their 5th wedding anniversary. Tab made the cutest cakes for the occasion. One was a wedding dress, one a tux and the other a ring box complete with a ring. They were adorable. On the back of the black Tux cake Tab had teasingly wrote RIP. (little did she know what tomorrow would bring) Billy had to work that day so they planned to go away for the weekend to celebrate. They were so excited and happy. Mitch and I stayed to visit a while then went back to the camp.

Tab called me in the evening to ask if I would go to Calais with her the following day to get school supplies for Faith. We just couldn’t believe Faith was going to PreK already. Tabatha was a shopper and if there were any deals she would find them. I always enjoyed shopping with her and Talitha. They always “kept me in line” about the clothes I could buy. They didn’t want me looking like an old lady! They told me I had to dress in style.  Talitha is still keeping me in style - Tab would be proud of her.

Thursday July 23/2009 Tabatha called to tell me Talitha was going to Andrea’s to get her hair done so it would only be her and I and my three beautiful Grandchildren. We would have a great day shopping. Tab then asked me if I wanted to come to McAdam and leave from there to go to Calais. (You have no idea how much I wish I had driven to McAdam that fateful morning.) I suggested that she come down to the camp and leave from there. We talked for a bit, laughed a little and said I love you before hanging up. It is just a family thing; we always give a hug and say I love you before leaving each other. Do you know how thankful I am that we did this?

I got dressed and sat in my rocking chair reading the Bible while waiting for Tab to arrive. Mitch was relaxing and watching a movie. I waited, and waited, and waited. I called her house – no answer. I called her cell – no answer! I called her cell again, and again and again. I told Mitch, "I can’t imagine what is keeping Tabatha – she should have been here an hour ago."

The phone rang and I thought it was Tab telling me where she was but it was Pete calling for Mitch. Mitchell turned pale and said we are on our way. My heart was pounding and I was scared to death – I knew something was wrong but I didn’t know what. I don’t have it in me to talk about the accident scene but I will tell you my precious, beautiful, brilliant, creative Angel was called HOME.

How do I write what I felt that day? My heart was bombarded with a mix of emotions. Terror, shock, sadness, disbelief, anger toward God – where was He? Where was Tab’s Guardian Angels? Then I saw my Grandchildren and thanked God for His protecting hand upon them. The children were hurt and the ambulance crew was tending to them. Faith was in shock and banged up. Gracie had a broken leg and Owen had skull fractures. My heart was torn apart, I felt that I was going to faint. Mitch had to drive the Ambulance to the hospital and leave Tab. How does a father do that? Mitch said he thanked God that Tabatha was safe in the arms of Jesus and his Grandchildren where safe with him.

Pete and I had the task of driving to Andrea’s hair shop to tell Talitha about the accident. For the second time that day was heart was shattered; I moaned from deep within my soul; as I watch my precious daughter, Talitha learn the news that her sister, her best friend was gone. I wrapped her in my arms and rocked her as she screamed and sobbed.

I wrote a poem that somewhat describes how I've been feeling for the last year:

BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD

Thundering, Turbulent Waters

Crash Mightily Upon Me

Driving Me Beneath Its Depths

Suffocating From Me – My Life

Frantically I Pound The Waters

Flouncing To Keep Above Surface

Panic Overtakes Me – Snatching My Reasoning

Immobilizing My Body – Stealing My Sanity

If I Would But Calm Myself And Rest

Take Deep Breaths – Tread The Waters

Relax – Float Back Toward The Shoreline

Safety Would Soon Befriend Me

Oh God What Are You Teaching Me?

When The Troubles Of Life Consume Me

When Turbulent Waters Surround Me

You Whisper, “Be Still And Know That I Am God”

When I Feel As Though I’m Drowning

Or I’m Up Against A Brick Wall

When My Feet Burn In The Dessert

Exhaustion Over Takes Me And I Fall

Your Word Says – Take My Hand And Trust Me

I’ll Guide You Through The Storms

The Waters Shall Not Overflow Thee

In The Fire You Shall Not Be Burned

When I Feel My Friends Have All Left Me

And I Walk In The Valley Alone

If I But Lift My Eyes Toward Heaven

You Breathe In My Life A New Song

Your Gentle Voice Does Murmur

You’ll Never Be Alone

I’ll Not Leave Nor Forsake You

For I Have Made You My Own

Your Gentle Rebuke Reminds Me

Not To Fear For You Are There

To Strengthen And Uphold Me

When The Troubles Of Life Do Flare

Quietly, You Admonish Me

To Surrender My All To You

And Bask In Peaceful Tranquility

Trusting You, God - Will See Me Through

I need to go now as tearing are flowing down my face and I can’t see the screen. I will be back to tell you more of my story about “My Walk Down Grief Valley”

If I could give you any advise before leaving today I would tell you to hug your loved ones and tell them how much you love them. Tell them how special they are – pick one of their accomplishments and tell them how proud you are of them for achieving this.

Until the next post think on this Scriptures:

"Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."     Isaiah 41:10

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."   Revelation 21:4